


Don't Tell Me Just Yet

by Cassunjey



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canon Related, Character Study, Family, Gen, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26174077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassunjey/pseuds/Cassunjey
Summary: One shot set in Thorin's Halls in the Blue Mountains following The Battle of the Five Armies.Half a world away from Erebor Dis awaits news of her family.
Relationships: Dís & Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 13





	Don't Tell Me Just Yet

Dis had always wondered if the quirk with the venting was deliberate. A clever trick to keep Thorin one step ahead. It's hard to surprise a dwarf who can hear you whispering in the passageway.

It seemed like something he would do.

The kettle began to whistle, steam curling slowly around her face.

Isn't it strange how one word can change everything, she thought as she leaned against the range for support, her legs suddenly feeling like they weren't quite working properly. The whispered name of a mountain half a world away. One little word.

The sharp rap on the door of Thorin's study startled her, although she should have expected it.

Dis stood and stared at the kettle as it started to rattle against the hotplate. Looked out through the door of the little kitchen, across the cosy study to the closed door. Looked back at the kettle, certain that there was something she should be doing. She couldn't for the life of her think what it was.

Another rap on the door. Her Captain of the Guard calling her name, his voice unusually gentle. Dis pushed herself upright, noticed her hands were shaking.

I should call him in, she thought, as she opened the latch on the window and swung a booted foot out onto the sill. I should sit down behind Thorin's desk and call him in. And then there's the meeting this afternoon to prepare for. I have a lot to do.

Landing lightly in a crouch Dis looked up at the kitchen window several feet above. Two more steps and she was across the roof of the smithy, swinging easily from the lip to the ground below. Out of sight.

I should have lifted the kettle, she thought, it'll boil dry.

The smith paused mid strike and stared at her through the doorway. She raised a finger to her lips and he nodded, giving her a small bow.

A trick of the light as he moved, the rays of the setting winter sun and the fire of the forge catching his hair. Painting it impossibly golden for the briefest of moments. Only for a heartbeat. Shadows shifting across the planes of his face and broad shoulders as he straightened. A glint of green eyes.

She walked swiftly along the alleyway, wanting to run but knowing that running would draw eyes. Head up and shoulders squared Dis made her way towards the noise of the market. Stepping out of the alley unnoticed between two stalls, her fine clothes hidden amongst the bustling late afternoon crowds.

They always said you would know. But Dis knew that wasn't true.

You didn't know, until the moment you did. And then there was no going back. No magic that could take you back to that time before. To that time before sorrow, when you had thought the wait interminable. When you had thought you would give anything for the wait to be over and to just know.

Waiting impatiently for the door to open and his familiar voice to call out your name. For him to rush across the room, wrap you tightly in his arms and tell you how much he had missed you.

How much he had missed his beloved sister.

His wife.

His mother.

Dis knew there was no moment of realisation in the dark hours of the night where you woke with a cry, knowing for a certainty you would never see his face again. Never again to feel the warmth of his embrace. Hear the joy in his laugh.

Dis knew that she would not suddenly stop midstep as she went about her day. Stop, unable to breathe, clutch at her chest and know beyond doubt the moment he had slipped forever from this world. The moment he had gone and taken a piece of her heart with him. The moment everything shifted and life would never, ever be the same again.

She remembered when she had thought as they did. When she had believed it, as if it were written in stone.

I would know if he had left me, she had whispered, when they had come to her and told her in gentle voices that her brother was gone.

I would have felt it, she had cried, a hand on her swollen belly as she clung to Thorin's arm. Her little son, just old enough to understand, climbing into her lap, weeping hot tears against her neck. Thorin's lips pressed tight against her forehead, wrapping his arms around them all. Telling her in a low voice that he was sorry. That her husband would not be coming home.

And so Dis knew.

Ducking into one of the stalls, she lifted a fur cloak from a pile. Examined it closely as she watched one of her guards pass by, walking back the way she had come.

Folding the fur she set it back down carefully with the others. Brushing her fingers across the soft pelt as she straightened and looked up into his face. Dark eyes full of life and an easy smile. A tangle of dark, untameable hair. A heartbeat and he was gone, the shopkeep smiling down at her, saying something about a price.

A mumbled apology as she stumbled out of the stall, gathered herself. Tried to raise her head and straighten her shoulders, keep her steps even.

Finding herself outside the market she looked around, suddenly lost and not sure where she was going. Someone touched her arm and spoke to her. She shook her head, unable to hear over the roaring in her ears.

I could go to the training yard, she thought. I could hit something for a while. I could go out the gates and just keep walking.

She blinked suddenly misty eyes to clear them, knowing where she wanted to be.

* * *

Dis breathed in the familiar scent as she opened the door slowly, careful not to disturb the air too much. After a year it had faded, she knew that soon it would exist only in her memory.

Sometimes, when she was feeling very lonely, she would come in here to sit on Kili's bed. The covers neat and tidy. The mattress good as new. A waste of coin, Thorin had said.

Fili had offered to strip the beds that last morning but she'd waved away the offer. Told him to sit down and have his breakfast and she would do it later. And then somehow she had just never gotten round to it.

She opened the trunk on his side of the room, lifted out a shirt, closed it carefully again. Made her way slowly to Kili's side, drew out one of his. Held them both to her nose and breathed in deeply.

Pulling back the rumpled covers she ran her hand across the worn mattress. Smiling at the twin indents where her boys had curled up together, ever since Kili had been big enough to clamber out of his crib and toddle determinedly to his big brother's bed.

I don't want to know, she thought as she climbed in and pulled the covers over her, shirts pressed tightly to her chest.

Don't tell me just yet.


End file.
